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For me, growing old as a woman in America is much less about wrongdoings done to me than it has to do with a subtle undermining of my place within this civilization and a not-so-subtle disrespect that pops up more with each passing year. As an example, if I condemn x-rated material as systemically harmful to women, it is my age that prompts my labeling as a prude and a pearl-clutcher. It can not be that I base my judgement on studies and stats and the awareness that feminism is a movement-- one that supports the freedom of all women, not to be confused with individual women who decide to reduce their identities to the sexual uses and misuses of their bodies, calling that empowerment. My age sets me up for a kind of contempt only somewhat experienced by younger women with the exact same beliefs. The wisdom that comes along with age has little significance to anyone but those having it, because knowledge is another word for old, and old is what no one prefers to be.

I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you what it isn't, at the very least for me. It isn't to attempt to look or act more youthful. It isn't to write blog posts about how hot/thin/beautiful/ sexy middle-aged women are. They are, but wasting my written voice on going to bat for shallow efforts at ongoing conformity to what is expected of women in a patriarchal civilization does not feel productive. It is an perilous capitulation. It encourages women my age to swap away opportunities to weigh in on concerns for a chance to be among the "seen" again. I won't participating in a game I abhor, which I did not put together and can not win.

To become an aging woman in The United States of America is to become constantly saturated by imagery and press that outstrip your younger feminist sisters from you, due to the fact that the idea of no longer appearing like those youthful pictures of femininity and becoming invisible alarms them. I resemble a traditional 51-year-old, and it is just strange recognizing that my appearance is something many young women dread.

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